This is dirt.
More accurately, this is an HP Pavilion dv4 manufactured circa 2009. It has an Intel Core2 Duo, 4 gigabytes of RAM, and a battery that doesn't hold a charge for more than a few seconds. It is in no way an ideal gaming computer, and yet something about the idea of torturing this ancient email machine with some of the lower-end games in my Steam library captivated me.
Not only is this a good way to get my kicks, but it's interesting to see just how far one can stretch such objectively dogshit hardware when they really try. Before I upgraded my desktop, this type of resource rationing was just a part of my everyday life, so I hope this info is helpful for someone out there.
If I've tested a game, I'll include an article about it below.